Lessons on Mothering from Laman and Lemuel

Poor Benjamin has had a cold for a week now, which has meant holding him all day every day and sleeping in a chair with him at night to keep him from gagging on his snot. As the days went on I was feeling more and more stressed out by my messy house and all the things I couldn't get to with a sick baby. I Am ashamed to say that by last night the lack of sleep and my bad attitude had me feeling grumpy and super trapped by my little baby. And my attitude wasn't any better this morning.

Today I was reading 1 Nephi chapter 7 about when Nephi and his brothers went back to Jerusalem to get Ishmael's family to come with then so they would have wives. As they are on their way back to Lehi in the wilderness, Laman and Lemuel and some of Ishmael's kids decide they want to go back to Jerusalem and forget this whole crazy idea. Nephi tells them to do what they want, but if they go back they will be killed with everyone else when Jerusalem is destroyed.

Instead of ignoring him and choosing to go back to Jerusalem, or believing him and choosing to continue to the wilderness, they get mad and tied him up to leave him for dead in the wilderness. It struck me that they could have just left, why did they get mad instead?

I realized that they weren't owning their choices. They were making a choice, but blaming it on Nephi as if he was forcing them. They were angry because they felt trapped, even though they never really were.

Which eventually led me to realize that I was not trapped either. I could put Benjamin down and let him cry, and even gag if I chose to. I was choosing to take care of him instead of cooking and organizing and cleaning and exercising and all the other things I also wanted to be doing. And once I realized it was a choice, and I owned the fact that I was making a choice it totally changed my day. I felt love instead of frustration. I felt empowered instead of trapped.

So the story goes on and Nephi miraculously breaks his bands and starts talking to Laman and Lemuel again. But they are still mad and now just want to straight up kill him. But they get talked down by some of Ishmael's kids. And once they have calmed down they feel terrible and beg Nephi, and then God, for forgiveness.

I see myself as a mother in Laman and Lemuel here, too. Not that I tie my kids up and threaten to kill them (at least not seriously) but Christ told us that our anger comes from the same place in our heart as murder. And sometimes I am still mad and not ready to listen when I know I should stop (like those two after witnessing a miracle). And when I do calm down I feel horrible about the ways I behave when I am angry.

Nothing too profound, but that part of the story felt like an unflattering mirror to some of my behavior. And because I can see so clearly how wrong it is when Laman and Lemuel do it, it gives me a greater desire to repent more fully and do better with my family. To make sure that I am listening and reacting and teaching by the Spirit instead of in anger and frustration.

I also learned from Nephi today. In verse 12 he says:

Yea, and how is it that ye have forgotten that the Lord is able to do all things according to his will, for the children of men, if it so be that they exercise faith in him? Wherefore, let us be faithful to him.

I realized today this is a great summary of where Nephi is always coming from. This is why he is always resilient no matter how bad things get. This is the story he tells himself. This is the truth he stands in. Always.  It is a truth I can stand in to remain optimistic when things get rough. It is the story I need to tell myself.